


Harrowing

by Settiai



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Circle Mage Bethany Hawke, Demons, Gen, One Shot, Past Character Death, The Fade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 07:58:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6896683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Settiai/pseuds/Settiai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It took Bethany longer than it should have to realize that something was wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harrowing

It took Bethany longer than it should have to realize that something was wrong. She sat up straight, her heart pounding in her chest as her gaze drifted over the green, lush countryside around Lothering. There were a few druffalo wandering in the distance, a smaller figure darting between them that looked suspiciously like her sister's mabari.

There was movement beside her, and a moment later Carver was sitting up as well. He was wearing a worried look on his face as he turned his face toward her. "What's the matter?" he asked.

Bethany didn't answer immediately. She was too busy letting her gaze move around them, drinking in the details. It felt as if it had been a lifetime since she'd just sat in the grass and really looked at the world around her.

Something wasn't right. She knew it. If only she could figure out what it was that was catching her attention, maybe there was still a chance to stop it.

"Bethany, what is it?" Carver repeated, his hand going down to rest on the sword that he wore at his side. It was smaller than the broadsword that he preferred to use, easier to carry around and less likely to draw attention. Still, it could be deadly, when it needed to be.

Bethany clenched her fists, a nervous habit that she'd had since she was just a girl. "I'm not sure," she said slowly. "I just know something is wrong."

A flicker of confusion went across his face, replacing the concerned look he was wearing for a moment or two. It disappeared almost as quickly as it had appeared. "Do you think it's templars?"

Bethany shook her head, but she didn't answer. Her attention was focused on the scar going across Carver's upper arm instead, the one he had gotten at Ostagar. She had done her best to heal it, once he'd made it back to Lothering, but it had been a close thing.

She remembered it as if it had been yesterday. The wound had festered for too long. She'd been able to save the arm, pouring as much magic as she could into it, but there hadn't been anything she could do to keep it from scarring. Not with the darkspawn following at Carver's heels, keeping her from spending any more time on it than she absolutely had to spend.

Healing had never been her expertise. Not in Lothering, and not in—

Oh. _Oh._

Carver's followed her gaze. "Sister?"

Bethany pulled her eyes away from him, focusing instead on the scenery around them. Lothering looked just like she remembered it, back before the Blight had destroyed its beauty. Except Carver hadn't had that damn scar before the Blight. It was just a small detail, barely noticeable, but it was enough to ruin the illusion.

The two of them hadn't been together in Lothering for a long time, after all.

"Bethany, you're starting to worry me," Carver said, an edge to his voice that she couldn't quite read. "What is it?"

Even though she knew better, Bethany let out a shaky breath and threw herself at Carver, wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace. She felt him stiffen at the unexpected action before slowly relaxing into her hug, his own arms wrapping around her.

Bethany thought that she could have stayed that way forever, her arms wrapped around her brother and his around her. Instead, she only allowed herself a moment before reluctantly pulling away, a bittersweet smile making its way onto her face.

"What was that for?" Carver asked, the corners of his mouth twitching as if he was trying to hide a smile. She'd gotten good at recognizing that particular tell over the years.

She'd almost forgotten about it. How could she have forgotten about it?

Part of Bethany wanted to give in and hug him again, even if the Carver sitting beside her was just a shadow of the real thing. A large part of her wanted to do it, if she was honest. Father had trained her well, though, and Bethany knew that she had already tarried longer than she should have.

"I know you aren't him," Bethany said quietly.

Carver cocked his head slightly, a hint of confusion on his face that was achingly familiar. "Sister?"

She took in a shaky breath and then let it out. "Carver has been dead for almost two years now," she said, trying for a conversational tone but suspecting she didn't quite succeed. No matter how much she tried, she would never be as good at faking it as Marian. "I relive it almost every night, you know. In my dreams."

"It must have been a dream," Carver said, shaking his head. No, not Carver. Whatever demon was wearing his face. "I'm right here, Bethany."

Bethany gave him another sad smile. "No, you're not."

The demon shook his head, but she could already see the difference. It was still wearing Carver's face, but there was something off about it now. She suspected that it was harder for it to keep the form now that she was clearly aware of the deception.

"I haven't quite figured out what you are," Bethany said, wariness slipping into her tone as she eyed the demon. "I thought you might be Desire at first, but that doesn't seem quite right."

"Desire?" The demon tilted its head to the side, its gaze focused on her. Then it smiled, a cold smile that didn't fit the face it was still wearing. Carver would have never looked at her that way. "Oh, no. I am not Desire."

There was a flash—light, sound, heat, it might have been all of them or it might have been none, but it was a flash of _something_ —and just like that Carver was gone. Instead, Isabela stood in front of her. Or, at least, the demon's impression of Isabela. It wasn't nearly as convincing as Carver had been. Isabela would never have held herself to awkwardly. That was what Bethany admired so much about her, after all, the fact that she did what she wanted, damn the consequences and people's opinions both.

The demon was still smiling, and the expression looked just as wrong on Isabela's face as it had Carver's. "If I was Desire, would I not have appeared like this from the beginning?"

Bethany knew that it was dangerous to converse with demons, even after their identity had been revealed. It had been one of the first lessons Father had taught her, after all.

At the moment, she didn't care.

"There's more than one type of desire," Bethany replied a little shortly.

"True," the demon said, nodding knowingly. If anything, its smile grew even wider. "But I still am not Desire."

Even though she knew that she was in the Fade and that it wouldn't make a difference, Bethany drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Then what are you?"

The demon stepped towards her, its appearance shifting from that of Isabela to Marian mid-step. It stopped just in front of her, its arms crossed in front of its chest. Its disconcerting smile faded somewhat, replaced by the more serious expression that Bethany was used to seeing on her sister's face ever since they had fled Ferelden.

"What am I?" the demon asked, its tone an imperfect blend of Marian's familiar voice and something else entirely. "Look at you. A talented mage, from a powerful family, just stepping down the path that may very well lead you to greatness."

Bethany shot the demon an unamused look, trying to keep her face expressionless even though she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She'd come face-to-face with her fair share of demons in her dreams, especially ever since they had arrived in Kirkwall, but she could practically feel the _wrongness_ dripping off this one in a way that she'd never felt before.

"You have great potential, my young mage," the demon said. "I'm quite envious of you."

It took longer than it should have for the meaning of its last words to sink in. When it did, Bethany felt a cold chill run down her spin.

"Envy?" Bethany repeated, more than a little incredulity in her voice. She was allowed it, she thought, all things considered. Father had taught her about all of the demons, but Envy... well, there wasn't much he could tell her about those, other than they were exceedingly rare. And powerful. Rare and powerful.

Who was she to draw Envy's attention?

As if it could read her mind—and, considering they were in the Fade, it _could_ —the corners of the demon's mouth twisted upward. It wasn't quite as off-putting as its earlier smile, but it was close.

"You're not the one I'm after, little Hawke," Envy said, its face—Marian's face—twisting into a cold grin that send a shiver down Bethany's spine. "But you have potential. I could be persuaded to change my mind."

Bethany clenched her fist. "I won't make a deal with a demon," she said as firmly as she could manage, wishing desperately to be armed with a staff. It was a Fade. Anything was possible, as long as you believe it to be true.

A familiar weight appeared in her clenched hand. The demon's gaze flickered downward for a moment before bringing its eyes back up to focus on Bethany's face.

"There's no need for that," it said almost pleasantly. "As I said, you're not the one I'm after. Not for now." Its smile gained an almost feral tinge to it as it bared its teeth. "But I am patient. And you do have so much potential."

Bethany opened her mouth to speak, to yell, to curse. She wasn't certain what she was going to say, but she needed to say _something_.

Before she could, the demon raised its hand. The world exploded around her in a bright flash of color and sound, the entirety of the Fade throwing itself at her...

... and Bethany woke up, a silent scream on her lips.

It took a long moment for reality to reorient itself, and by the time Bethany recognized the dark walls of the Harrowing chamber for what they were, First Enchanter Orsino was already kneeling down beside her with a worried look on his face. The world was spinning around her slightly, and she knew without a doubt that if she tried to stand just then she wouldn't last more than a moment on her feet.

"Congratulations, Enchanter Hawke," Orsino said, and there was a gentleness in his eyes that Bethany hadn't expected to see. "You have passed your Harrowing."

Behind Orsino's kneeling form, the Knight Commander stared at her coolly before turning for the door, walking out without a single word. Knight Captain Cullen looked torn as his gaze followed his commander. He shot Bethany a hint of a smile, a flicker of relief flashing across his face that she wasn't entirely certain she wasn't imagining, before he turned and hurried out after Meredith.

Bethany took a deep breath, and for just a moment she could almost feel Carver's arms around her again.

A new beginning. That's what she had wanted, and that's what she was getting. No more worrying about putting her family at risk simply by existing.

_But I am patient. And you do have so much potential._

Bethany breathed in, slowly and deeply. Then she breathed out. She would have to be careful, but she was used to doing just that.

She was still a Hawke. It was time to spread her wings and see how far she would be able to fly.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me over on Tumblr. (http://settiai.tumblr.com/)


End file.
